Sunday, January 8, 2017

The world keeps turning

I remember my last day of work as if it was only a few months ago instead of nearly three years ago. I remember my last break, I remember signing out and not going back. I left the job I had been doing for the better part of a decade. I had built friendships, and connections, I belonged there…but for some crazy reason I was leaving, I was leaving my comrades in arms, people who I cried with on bad days and who I cheered with on great days.

I walked away from something that was fulfilling, at least at the time that is what I thought. I enjoyed going to work and making money, I enjoyed sitting down every day and solving problems. A person’s day could be made or broken by how well I did my job and that felt good. But, it was time for something new. I had a 4 year old at home who desperately needed me and a husband who wished I was available more. So I walked away, I walked away to help make instead of break the days of the two most important people in my world.

I decided with my husband’s encouragement to be a full time stay at home mom. This choice would give me the luxury of crafting my days with purpose and a plan. I was free to take my daughter for walks, meander through the grocery store without having to worry about the list of errands stacked behind my required weekly trip to the store so my family didn't starve. I could read books, take naps, play with my daughter, home school like I was Pinterest embodied into human form and have a perfectly clean house.

Then…. reality set in. My daughter stays up all night and sleeps all day so when she gets up its too hot to take walks, going through the grocery store at a leisurely pace only increases my grocery bill and fills our pantry with junk food. It took me 2 years for find a book that I loved and then I blew through the series in a matter of months, my daughter has found independence and wants her private time, home schooling is definitely not as pretty or easy looking as Pinterest and my house being clean consists of me at least sweeping the dog and cat hair up everyday.

When we take the plunge and enter the new world of the stay at home parent we are so confident that it will be easy and wonderful, because who doesn't know how they would spend those extra 10+ hours a day. Well as with all things, except ice cream and chocolate, it isn't as easy or as liberating as you would expect.

My weeks now fly by with my daily list usually having chores, home school, cook dinner, sweep and wash dishes on it. By the time I finish those items on my list my husband is walking through the door and I realize I never brushed my hair or changed out of my PJs.

Now please don’t misunderstand I wouldn’t change a thing about my life now. I would need to be hog tied and dragged back to working full time and even then I would run away. I love spending time with my daughter, seeing her learn and watching a spark take root and grow into a burning desire to learn more. I enjoy when my husband thanks me for a wonderful dinner and he never once has mentioned my PJ wardrobe. I feel as if I am making a bigger difference in the world by being out of it than I ever did being in it. The world keeps turning and people keep moving at the speed of information but as for me and my house, we will move at the speed of childhood, at the speed of a good cuddle and a good book, at the speed of love and togetherness. 

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